OK, so here's the thing - this is my third day staying at home with Christina, with no official plans. This is primarily because she came down with a nasty cold yesterday, so we had to cancel the plans that we had. And I am SO BORED! Now I find myself thinking that maybe I'm trying too hard to convince myself that I need to stay home more. After all, God made me this way - outgoing and social. I remember different times when I've been unemployed, and while it's nice for a while to sit at home and watch TV or read books, after a little while I find myself NEEDING to find a new job, if only for a way to get out of the house and back into the world. I really like to have a specific reason to get up and get going in the morning - otherwise I'll just stay in my sweats all day and feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I don't know why for me "accomplishing something" means getting out of the house, but it does.
Don't get me wrong, I don't regret passing on the Bible study. Even if I did feel like I had room in my schedule for it, I still don't think Christina would do very well separated from me for those two hours in the children's class. Even at Sunday School at church, I've been told that Christina mainly sticks close to the adult leaders rather than the kids. Evidently Christina likes to "help" Miss Janet (one of the teachers) take the older kids to the bathroom when they have to go potty! This really shouldn't be a surprise to me, since my parents told me that as an only child, I always felt more comfortable around adults than kids.
So now I'm just confused. I can't figure out which part of this argument in me is the Flesh talking, and which part is the Spirit. Of course, I need to remember that God is all about the PROCESS. Maybe it's not about making all of these changes in my life all at once. Maybe I just need to reduce my outside activities to a few days a week, and spend the other days at home. It's hard for me to believe that BOTH of these voices inside me are the Spirit, since they are such opposing viewpoints. So again I pray: "Dear God - help!"
On Church & Zion
1 month ago